Script Portal

Characters
Joe Firestone

Mason's pet dog

Mason

Joe's Version of Jesus

Abraham

Judy AKA Blackie

Mason's version of Jesus

Mason's version of Santa

Young Boy 1

Young Boy 2

The actual Jesus

Satan

Lines
Joe: We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year. For joy as we sing and holiday brings.

Mason: Hey asshole, where is my lunch money?

Joe: Look Mason, this is a holiday season. A season, where we should all be nice to people! ESPCIALLY YOU!

Mason: That is gay Joe!

Joe: No it isn't, I'll show you!

Joe's Version of Jesus: I am Jesus. Look upon me and get to know me children.

Abraham: Oh hello Jesus.

Joe's Version of Jesus: Hello my child. Are you being good? Because this time of year, I need people to be nice to each other.

Abraham: I haven't sinned.

Joe's Version of Jesus: You have raped a girl who was five asshole.

Abraham: Please Jesus, don't get mad, it is the holiday.

Joe's Version of Jesus: Yeah, I'm am sorry for getting mad at you on these most special days. Hug.

Joe: You see what I mean Mason?

Mason: It's still gay you asshole.

Joe: Fuck You! Bastard!

Mason: Beaner!

Joe: Cocksucker!

Judy: Hey guys don't argue it is the holidays.

Mason: Shut up blackie! Jesus was white. Anyways, this is my Christmas story.

Santa: Hello Jesus nice day.

Joe: Jesus didn't live on the moon retard! He lived in Israel! Dude! You are so stupid you mother fucker!

Mason: Oh I'm sorry! I am trying to finish a story I started. ANYWAYS!

Santa: Hey Jesus.

Mason's Version of Jesus: Your my slave now Santa which means you work for me! Neel before Christ! You captive bitch!

Santa: Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas. Hello young boy, what do you want for Christmas?

Young Boy 1: Are you gonna rape me? Man!

Santa: Wait what!

Young Boy 1: Mom! Mom!

Santa: Oh shit! Hello young boy, what do you want for Christmas?

Young Boy 2: I want a rocket ship! Thank You Santa!

Mason: Any questions?

Joe: Are you high? Or are you very stupid!? Because that was the worst Christmas story I have ever heard. I am going to get a pizza, you can go suck my dick!

Mason: Joe is an asshole right Blackie.

Judy: Gosh damn it, my name is not Blackie. And Joe was right. That Christmas story you told was retarded. You can't just make fun of the Christmas faith like that okay.

Mason: Shut up Blackie. Why can't you mind your own business?

Judy: Because you are a fat fuck, who can't mind your own business. You are also racist to blacks, hers panics...

Mason: No I'm not you black asshole.

Judy: That's what you get you fat turd! (Judy kicks Mason's balls)

Jesus: My child, you have sinned. I must send you to hell

Mason: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Who the hell are you?

Satan: Ho, Ho. I am Satan. Ruler of hell. You have sinned Mason so you must stay in hell.

Mason: Oh gosh Damn it!